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Dr. Joel M. Rothaizer, CEO
 
 

Enneagram Type-Specific Coaching Tips

There is a large amount of general information available from books and Enneagram web pages (see the Enneagram WebRing on my Enneagram coaching/consulting page). The following coaching tips are based on my experience working with relatively high functioning, competent individuals who are looking to accelerate their ability to have what they want in life, personally and professionally. 

Point One (Reformer, Perfectionist)
Point Two (Helper, Supporter, Care-Taker, Giver)
Point Three (Achiever, Motivator, Producer, Performer)
Point Four (Individualist, Connoisseur, Romantic)
Point Five (Investigator, Thinker, Observer, Sage)
Point Six (Loyalist, Guardian, Troubleshooter, Skeptic)
Point Seven (Enthusiast, Generalist, Optimist, Epicure)
Point Eight (Challenger, Leader, Boss)
Point Nine (Peacemaker, Mediator)

Point One
If you are a One you have a strong superego, an internal yardstick of what is right and what is wrong, and you measure yourself and others based on that yardstick. With development you begin to see the perfection in each moment, and you start to relax inside, rather than seeing each moment as not quite good enough. Others may feel judged by you, not knowing that you judge yourself more harshly than them. When you close up on the inside you lose access to your deepest gifts, and the quality of your life, your connectedness to others, and your overall effectiveness suffer. Learn to notice that closing up, and instead allow an inner softening, and be curiously open to discovering how that softening impacts your personal and professional life. 

Point Two
If you are a Two you are highly attuned to what others need, and you derive much satisfaction from meeting those needs. It is likely much harder to acknowledge your own needs, as well as to ask to have them met. How do you know when your giving is pure? Do you expect something in return? Can you be OK with someone not needing your help? Can you be OK if the needs of a person you care about are being better met by someone else? Learn to let go of needing to give, and through this inner relaxation your natural gifts will unfold at the right time, in the right place, and in just the right amount.

Point Three
If you are a Three you derive much of your self esteem from how well you perform, from how you are seen by others. The problem is that many Threes live in somewhat of a virtual reality chamber, not deeply in touch with themselves and often not really in touch with how they are being seen and how they are impacting others. Be willing to slow down and get a reality check, both internally and externally. Stop multitasking so much, and take a few minutes throughout the day to check in to yourself - what you are feeling, what is important to you.  Learn to be able to relax for a few minutes during the day, to let everything slow down. Also take the time to gather external feedback. Your assumptions may be inaccurate. A Coach can be very helpful in this regard.

Point Four
If you are a Four you pride yourself on your individuality and creativity. You may also have a tragic romantic side, a lamenting quality where what you have is not as good as what others have, or what you had but lost. There is a natural joy that effortlessly emerges when you begin to let go of those patterns. To allow that inner relaxation, begin taking your emotional intensity less seriously. Be open to not needing to be special. Find a place inside in which you can gently rest. As you relax inside, your true gifts will come forth in a way that deeply nourishes you and those around you.

Point Five
If you are a Five, you have an Observer who watches your interactions with others, takes in the current data and then processes that data when you are alone. You highly value knowledge, and may gather information as a way to feel safer in the world. You may tend to build barriers around you, boundaries and structures that protect you. You may feel that others want more from you than you can reasonably provide. You likely are more sensitive than you allow others to see. You have so much wisdom. People can benefit so much from your unique perspectives. Don't hold it back. Question the thoughts that tell you that you need to protect yourself. Let others see your heart more. 

Point Six
If you are a Six, you have a very active mind. It may feel like there is a committee meeting going on in your head, with no one clearly in charge. You tend to look for hidden motives, for what could go wrong in situations. You look for ways to feel safe. Realistically examine what could go wrong without being paralyzed by it. Question any tendency to build structures and boundaries. Perhaps you do not really need them. Acknowledge your fears without taking them too seriously. Spend more time in service and less time protecting yourself. Find something that you can trust more deeply than your thoughts. You can be such a loyal friend and colleague. You have so much to offer others once you relax your tendency to believe that your fears are real.

Point Seven
If you are a Seven you are a connoisseur of enjoyable experiences. You have many varied interests. Your mind actively creates and explores possibilities. You like to keep things light and playful. You may not be aware of a tendency to avoid negative emotions and commitment. You may be confused when others become frustrated with you. Learn to slow down. Learn the difference between pursuing pleasurable activities and running from potential discomfort. Be honest about your fears, and then discover that they dissolve when you open and soften inside. Your natural enthusiasm and playfulness are such a gift. When you relax inside you can contribute so much to others. 

Point Eight
If you are an Eight you like to be in charge, and do not like being controlled by others. You look for what is honest and not honest around you, and are not afraid to tell it like it is. You are a natural leader, and can mobilize people in a powerful way. You protect those whom you care about. Your strength can inspire others. This all happens when you also find the strength to acknowledge your own vulnerability, to yourself and to others, when you soften inside and let go of your belief that you have to be "tough" to survive. If lucky, you will learn that your "weaknesses" are your greatest strength.

Point Nine
If you are a Nine you are able to see the truth in diverse perspectives. You look for a sense of harmony in the world. Sometimes you get so caught up in others' perspectives that you neglect to identify or pursue your own. Your desire to be comfortable likely leads to a tendency to avoid conflict. You may frustrate people by having difficulty making clear decisions. You have such gifts. You can provide a sense of deep peacefulness to others. You have natural leadership skills, and can balance the different interests within a group and help the group to smoothly move forward. To bring out these gifts you need to learn to be OK with friction. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable, to take a stand when a stand needs to be taken. Do not waffle. Do not get sleepy. Stay present and aware.

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